Where have you been all my life!?

It's been just over two months since I last blogged.  Since then, much has happened.

I [finally] had our baby girl on November 18, whom I will call Noelle on my blog (she was supposed to be born closer to Christmas!)  It was convenient to have her then, as I went into labor while at a checkup on the 17th.  I was sent from the clinic to the birthing center, and spent the next 25 hours in labor only to push once and see her tiny little 4#13oz self thrashing around.

She was a peanut.  :0)

Because she was premature (35 weeks and 6 days) she spent just over a week in the NICU.  Talk about stressful times.  Four days after her birth, we all caught the stomach flu...while I went back to pre-baby size in a matter of hours, it was not ideal in the least.  For two days, we could not go to the NICU to visit Noelle, and I ended up bringing Harvey to the ER for dehydration and a fever nearing 102.  We spent Thanksgiving Day in the pediatrics ward, and finally went to my parents' home.

Noelle came home that following Saturday, and the kids and I stayed at my parents' for a few days until the snow storms halted enough for me to make the trip to our home. 

Noelle was baptized on December 12, and we had a lovely afternoon visiting with friends and family who came to celebrate.

Christmas came and went, and we spent that again at my parents' home with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings.  It was quite enjoyable!

My best friend came and babysat so John and I could go out on a date.  It was the first time I left the kids with a babysitter who was not family.  Slight panic attack, but all went well!  Harvey went down to bed without a sound.  Amazing.

January has been rough, as John is working 50+ hours a week.  I've had some breakdowns, but that's to be expected, right?

To be completely honest, these past two months (Noelle is seriously two months old already!?) have flown by, and are a huge blur.  Harvey is so well behaved with his sister, and although we have moments when he's crying, she's crying, I'm trying to feed them both, it's been exhilarating and, naturally, exhausting. 

Ba-by Beluuuuga....

It's official.

I am uncomfortable and [slightly] irritated all the time now.

Last night, John was looking at snowmobiles on his phone (his way of relaxing before sleep), and I kept tossing and turning, trying to find a sleeping position that would suffice.  I obviously got his attention, because he turned and asked, "Are you trying to seduce me?"  My response:  "Really?  I look and feel like a beluga whale.  So no.  I'm not.  Goodnight." 

Who the hell feels sexy and seductive when they're 35 weeks pregnant!?


I don't want to complain because it does nothing to help the situation...but right now that's all I can do.  I feel huge and ridiculously unattractive, can't breathe the majority of the time, can't eat half of the foods I want to, (including chocolate...yay heartburn), I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep, and my unborn child won't stop kicking.  >:(  I have a brand new pair of running shoes that I want to just throw on and go for a few mile run...but I can barely walk a couple blocks without feeling like I just ran a marathon.  Picking Harvey up is a chore now, not to mention feeding and cleaning up after him. 

Is it too much to just want to hold my new little baby in my arms?  And now!?

All I can pray for is an early delivery again.  

Five weeks and counting, or preferably less....

Like Father, Like Son

I was recently observing how my dad interacted with his grandson, Harvey. 

It was a bittersweet feeling, gripping my heart and making me all but lose my breath, yet it made me so happy.  Maybe it's just the pregnancy hormones, or the fact that I miss my deceased grandfather more than usual lately, but I couldn't help but cry at the similarities that my dad and his dad shared.

You see, my dad isn't a very "emotionally outspoken" person...in fact, I would go to the lengths of saying he is "emotionally constipated."  My grandfather, his father, was the same way.  (I remember my grandma shaking her head and saying he has "no concept of romance at all!"  My mom says the same thing to this day about my dad.) 

It was hard for me to ever have a real connection with my dad growing up, and sometimes it's still hard, but I know I have a better relationship with him today than I did ten years ago.  However, there must be an automatic something that sparks an emotional trigger when you have grandchildren...

Because I can remember the look in my grandpa's eyes, the smile on his face, and the comfort in his voice when he spoke to me.  Or how I could just hop up in his lap as a child and we would watch NASCAR together.  I have a picture in my wallet of my grandpa reading me a book, and I often times catch myself staring at it, remembering a million things about him at once.

My dad, I noticed while he waved goodbye to Harvey, had the exact same look in his eyes, that exact same smile on his face, and that exact same tone.  I can hardly wait for the days when Harvey jumps up on his Grandpa Craig's lap and asks him to read a book, or they watch the game together. 



At my grandfather's funeral, I read a passage from the Book of Sirach, in which one particular verse seemed to come to life at the above recent observation: 
                  "At the father's death, he will seem not dead, since he leaves after him one like himself."
                                                                                                                                                   Sirach 30:4

 

Epidural: To Do, or Not To Do

This is something that has been bugging me a lot lately...whether or not to have an epidural once I go into labor.

I can make some valid arguments for both yes and no...but right now I'm just not sure what to do.  I suppose I could just go into it and if the pain is just too much and I'm not progressing, get the epidural.

But then there is a part of me that is freaked out of the actual pain of a natural childbirth.  I know that as a woman, I'm made for natural childbirth.  Women have been giving birth without pain medication for a bazillion years.  A part of me wants to be a "strong" woman and just deal with the pain, or rather, push through it.  My mother gave birth naturally six times...and I fully intended to have Harvey naturally, but the back labor was unbelievable.  I thought my back was about to snap right in half, and I was only dilated to five after fifteen or so hours of labor so I gave in, got the epidural, which then helped me get a solid two hours of sleep before being woken up to push. 

Then I've heard of [older] women who say if they had the epidural available back when they were giving birth to their now 20-something-year-old kids, they would have jumped at the opportunity.  But isn't it a right of passage, in some way, to give birth naturally? 

I have a book that seems to really have a negative outlook on epidurals, saying that the drug lowers my blood pressure, therefore lowering the baby's blood pressure and oxygen level, and so it is quite dangerous to have one; it also says that the baby will come out lethargic and it will take over 48 hours for the drugs to leave the baby's system.  I really didn't notice any of that with Harvey...the book also says that with a natural childbirth, the mother is "fogged" to some extent and can only remember the parts of childbirth that comfort her, whereas if she has an epidural, all she will remember are bright lights, sterile bowls and implements, and "everything will be stark, cold, and very vividly painful in her memory."

Personally, I remember the morning sunshine streaming in my room, and the adrenaline rush I got right before I started pushing, and how hot it was in there...along with my husband counting, the nurses cheering me on, my mother crying...and no pain.  Just the pressure of pushing my 8 pound baby out...

I'm just confused as to what I should be doing.

I do know that I am not breastfeeding...that was my big ordeal last time.  I had a lot of pressure/guilt from my mother-in-law and other family members, as well as nurses who instead of asking me what I plan on doing for food, the question was posed as, "You'll be breastfeeding, right?"  Ummmm, no???  I know along with a million other benefits, it supposedly helps you lose baby weight faster, but I have never wanted to breastfeed.  It's something that makes me uncomfortable and I honestly think I bonded quite well with my formula-fed son, and he's pretty darn healthy, as well.  So while I tried it for a week and failed miserably and just didn't get it, this time around, I'm not giving in to pressure or going to be guilt tripped into breastfeeding. 

I just need to make up my mind about the epidural...

Things Harvey Does That Makes My Heart Happy (part two...)

 When he's really tired, he doesn't throw a fit.  He just falls asleep.

He crosses is ankles everywhere...sitting on the floor, in his car seat, the high chair, bath tub...

He helps with the laundry.

He spends quality time with Daddy.

He can clap while standing.

He likes to "help" cook.

He's oblivious to the food not in his mouth.

He talks and waves to the rustling leaves.  (Ridiculously adorable.)

And at the end of the day, he is still his Mama's little baby.

Mr. Pedestrian!!!!

Someone has learned how to walk!!! 

While he crawls often, he will now walk to his destination after pulling himself up on furniture.  Or if placed in the center of the room, he will walk from there to wherever. 

It's exciting...but I know how much work will be coming now...

*sigh of relief* Finally unpacked!!!!!!!!

We. Are. Finally. Unpacked.


Doesn't mean there aren't boxes stacked in the hallway, awaiting their trip out to the garage, but at least the apartment is put together!

Of course, there are still a few things that need to be taken care of... (curtains, pictures put up on the walls, etc.)



I had a lot of "help" this past week and a half...while Daddy was back in St. Cloud for his last week of training, Harvey and I were alone in this new home, new town, trying to get things taken care of.  Harvey was dealing with a cold, so I had him hanging on me most of the time, and then I not only got a cold, but the third trimester exhaustion like none other.  I don't remember feeling this worn out and tired with Harvey, but then again, I didn't have a little child to chase after either.  And wow.  Harvey got into everything.  Kitchen cabinets, bathroom, boxes he shouldn't be getting into.

I could never get a step ahead of him.  I was so tired.

So once Daddy got home, a trip to Wal-Mart proved beneficial with cabinet locks.  The bathroom door is shut all the time, and now that the boxes are unpacked, there is nothing to worry me.  (Except the bookcase with DVDs lining the shelves...oh well.  At least he can't open them.  Yet.)

The view outside our window is amazing, considering where we came from.  The noisy, central street of Duluth is in the past!  Now we have this gorgeous view:

Harvey stands at the screen and yells out the window, only to be greeted with silence or leaves rustling.  Only at noon and 6pm are we greeted with a five to ten-second town siren test (why, I'm not sure...they still test it for five minutes the first Wednesday of the month...), and then at 3:20 when the high school students get out and the cool kids rev their ridiculous pipes.

The whole apartment complex isn't too bad...thin walls/floors/ceilings.  Our apartment in Duluth was basically sound proof, so this is new to me.  I sometimes feel bad for our neighbors when Harvey is yelling or hitting things on the floor.  :S  We, uh, can also hear our neighbors doing "other" stuff...talk about awkward................

We have yet to venture down to the pool so Harvey can swim.  We were going to do that last weekend, but we had busy days.  Daddy worked until noon on Saturday, took a nap to try and get rid of his cold, and then we went to Crosslake for Saturday evening Mass.  (WOW.  What a church!) 

Car repairs took up most of the time on Sunday.  Then we took a scenic drive around Gull Lake so Harvey could sleep.  I am bound and determined to get there again today so I can take a picture of the absolutely gorgeous drive and get it up here.  We stopped for our once-a-month night out at the Bar Harbor Supper Club on Gull Lake for dinner.  It was good; their Wild Rice Clam Chowder was to die for!!!  (I tried making it last night.  Failed miserably...at least to get it to taste like theirs.)  I enjoyed the walleye dinner (with bones and all...) but it was really fresh walleye, so that was good.  John enjoyed a reuben sandwich.  We decided we will continue trying the local restaurants around here.

Harvey and I have had some fun excursions, too...we took a walk to the post office the other day, and stopped in next door at Wells Fargo where Daddy works now.  :0)  It was fun!  I can't remember ever living in a town where we can take a walk to the post office...Harvey enjoys being outside.  (I get Braxton-Hicks contractions from the walking, but I will deal!  I love it too much to stay inside all day long!)  I must make the most of it before snow comes!

This weekend, we're supposed to have fabulous weather, so we're going to head to the Crow Wing State Park just south of Baxter, and then stop at a pumpkin patch on the way home.  Should be fun!!!